It’s been a while since I’ve posted. In some ways, lots has happened, and in other ways, absolutely nothing has happened. To update on my current status, I am working full time from home, and struggling to manage my mental health.
I changed the antidepressant I was taking during the second lockdown because I was starting to feel down more often, plus my GP found an alternative where the side effects were supposed to be less severe that the one I was on. I’m still trying to find the right dosage which has been hard as this new lockdown kicks in.
I’m lucky in many ways. I have a full-time job that I can do from home. I live with my parents so I can spend time with them and get support from them. I can’t be with my boyfriend because I don’t live with him but we live close enough to each other that i can take walks with him and he is supportive too.
That’s the thing about mental illness though, and about this pandemic. Both affect different people in different ways. Both hit some people harder than others. And despite my knowing that, its been hard to reconcile. When my mental health took a dip, I somehow felt guilty. I have had to remind myself that mental illness doesn’t follow a logic, and there is no shame in my feeling how I’m feeling.
So I spoke to my parents, to my boyfriend, to my brother. I went and saw my gp. I spoke to my therapist. I’m still struggling, but I’m taking steps. The biggest thing, and sometimes the hardest thing, is having faith that there are better days to come. Today isn’t one of those days, and tomorrow might not be either, but they are coming. I just need to hang in there, and keep going.
